God is Near

I have been struggling this week. Our kids are sick and I have been struggling with that. It is so stressful when they are sick. It's almost an anxiety within me that won't go away. It kind of baffles me as to why I feel this. I guess it's because I feel like I have no control in these situations. I feel like there is nothing I can do for them and for me to let them suffer through it goes against every instinct I have as a Mom. I try to give them over to God, give their sickness over to God. To let Him be the healer that He is but I still want to be in control of getting them better. I can't let it go. I have been forgetting lately that God is near. I have been discouraged in nearly every aspect of my life lately. Last night about 1.5 miles into my run I just stopped. I didn't mean to stop. My body just stopped running. A body that was able to run just 4 miles the day before could not go one more step. I felt like I had 10 lb weights on each foot. It was so discouraging to trudge back home. I thought a lot last night about what was weighing me down. Was it the kids being sick? Surely that had something to do with it. Was it work? Maybe a small part of it. But I think it was mainly that I had been losing sight of the nearness of God. Losing sight of the fact that he is near everyday. Every minute, every second. I am reading a book called Jantsen's Gift by Pam Cope. It tells the story of how she deals with the grief of losing her son to a sudden death. She tells a story of how one day she was lying on her bed deep in her grief when God spoke to her and said, "I will not leave you. I will not leave you when you feel this bad." I have thought about that quote so many times since reading it. I want it to sink down deep into my mind. I want to believe it. I want to live like I believe that God is near. If I really open my eyes I see instances of God's nearness everyday. A friend's concerned and loving email, a gentle pat pat on my back from Kate, even the breeze pushing at my back as I struggled through tonights run. God uses our kids everyday to show that He is near. The other night Kate was protesting loudly as I was putting her to bed. She hardly ever puts up a fight about going to bed. But even as I turned my back and walked away from her she was crying and standing up in her bed. I realized as I got to her door that I had not prayed for her as I usually do at bedtime. I turned around picked her up in my arms and prayed for her.I prayed for good sleeps and good rest. That God would have His hand of protection over her. And then I said Amen. Kate said "Ah mon!" Reached for her crib and rolled over and went to sleep. Still ignorant to God's nearness I thought, "Oh what a coincidence. What a cute Kate story to tell my Mom." The next night I was on Carson duty and Jared put Kate to bed. As he was coming downstairs I heard Kate crying loudly. He had a puzzled look on his face that she was having such a hard time. I said, "Did you pray for her?" And he immediately turned around and went back upstairs to pray for her. After that she went right to sleep. Then I knew that the night before was not a coincidence. God is very near.