Submission

These thoughts have been following me around for a few weeks now. Where to start? Lately I've been struggling again with being a working Mom. Truth be told, I always struggle with this, it's just that some days are harder than others. I've been telling God  how great it would be if I could stay home. I bargain with him. How silly, I know. I tell him things like I will keep an orderly house, supper will always be on the table at 6, I won't take the time with my kids for granted, I will not use the TV as a babysitter, I will teach them things, I will love them. Oh my goodness, who am I to bargain with Him?
 It has occurred to me lately that God, despite my longing and desire to be at stay at home Mom knows what I need better than I do. Recently I have become convicted that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I believe in my heart that for me to work keeps my dependence on God consistent like no other situation has. He has taken me on a journey in the last 8 months. It has been both beautiful and heartbreaking. He is teaching me and for once my mind and heart is open. I am saying this just for me. I know that this is not true for all people. But this situation that I am in right now keeps me dependent on the Lord and honestly there is no other way I would want to be. I would not trade this dependence on Him for anything, even my dream of staying at Home.  It is too precious to me. I truly am resting in the fact that God is concerned with my character, not my comfort.
I was having a blessed conversation with a dear sweet friend a couple of weeks ago and she was telling me a sweet story. It is her story to tell, but it had to do with people needing God. It occurred to me while she was telling this story that I have the same attitude with my kids. For so long I had been telling Him, "Oh God! Those sweet babies need me." When the whole time He is telling me , "No....they need ME." Just such a reminder of how our children are gifts on loan to us from the Lord. This same precious friend spoke a truth to me that I have clung to these past few weeks. She told me, "God will redeem that lost time with your kids." And you know what? He does!!! Weekends are so rich. Week nights are  filled with words of  love and hugs and kisses and play time and reading time. I only have about 3 hours with them on the week nights, but my God seems to draw those minutes out so that my time can be redeemed.
So right now I truly am learning to submit to His will for my life. I'm looking at the gifts that He has given me while I'm working. If I wasn't working I wouldn't have the 2 hours of uninterrupted quiet time in my car. I pray, cry out to Him, listen to praise music or just spend the whole car ride in complete peace just listening. If I wasn't working I wouldn't have the opportunity for conversations like the one I had this week at work talking about what God has done for me.I wouldn't get to be involved in the marriage conversation between some coworkers where I was able to speak about my husband in a positive light instead of joining in on the criticism. I would miss out on what He wants for me in this season of my life.   Most days I wake up with songs in my head. This is the fragment of a song that I woke up with this morning, "Be strong in the Lord, Don't give up hope, God's going to do great things, don't live life in fear." I am no longer resisting, I am submitting. It's a daily struggle, but I am determined to follow Him and trust Him with my life. After all, it really is His life.