70 Minutes

That's how many minutes I ran this morning. I ran 5.5 miles in that 70 minutes. I am a very slow runner but I just keep plodding away. With 3 weeks to go until the race I feel very good about where I am as far as my training. I have lost about 15 lbs and I am slowly but surely creeping back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I am realizing that if I want to make the Sprint Tri a reality in October I need to get on the bike and plan to start this week. I am thinking about adding some bike/run combo days. Just 2 months ago I wrote my "This is War!" post. The road blocks are still the same but I have learned how to work through them most of the time. I know that God has been teaching me many things through running. I was thinking the other day that if I was as dedicated and focused on my relationship with God as I am with running I would be so close to Him right now. I am constantly thinking of ways I can improve my running. What if I constantly thought of ways to build my relationship with the one who is making all of this possible? Something to pray about.

Home

My first couple of days at home with my babies have been the some of the best of my life. They weren't perfect and nothing went the way I had planned but I loved every second. I had someone tell me that I would get bored staying home, that I would regret my choice.Oh really? Do you think I regretted seeing Kate comfort Carson this week by putting her arm around him and patting his shoulder? Do you think that for one second I was bored when Kate was playing with her toys next to me and reached her little hand over to put it on my knee just to make sure I was there? No boredom here and definitely no regrets. You know what I learned this week? My worst day at home beats my best day at work by a long shot. Nothing I could accomplish at work could match what happens when my babies are both right next to me playing.Thank you God! My heart is so full of gratitude to Him because He made this all possible. In about a week Kate will go to Mother's Day Out at our church to get her much needed social time and I will keep Carson with me. My sweet little boy who has been in daycare for the better part of his life will finally get his Mommy all to himself for a couple of days a week. I plan to study him, to get to know him, and to kiss and hug him as much as I want.My prayer used to be "God, please make a way for me to stay home with my babies." Now my prayer is constantly (said with a huge lump in my throat) "Oh God, Please keep me here!"

Daddy Dress

I have been really interested in learning how to sew lately. I trotted on out to Target last week end and bought myself a Singer for a song.:) I figured I would just teach myself how to sew. 2 things I learned, I would need a little bit of help and sewing takes a lot of patience. My first attempt was making a dress for Kate out of one of Jared's dress shirts. It was challenging to say the least. I have a lot to learn. But I did learn that adding trim to a dress covers a multitude of mistakes.:) I figure this is going to have to be one of those things I will just keep trying and trying until I get it right (or at least somewhat right.)So here is the finished product. Please try not to laugh. It is my first attempt. I would also love to learn how to quilt. I would love to make the bedding for Kate's big girl bed when that day comes. I'll let you know what I come up with next!

The Best News

On Monday afternoon my many prayers were answered. I told my boss I was resigning to stay home with my kids. He graciously wished me well and commended me on my decision. (No not at all, it was a lot less graceful than that and if I see you in person I will tell you the story but for the sake of the blog I will leave it at that.)
God said yes to my many requests to stay at home to be with my babies. I know that being a stay at home Mom is not so glamorous and it's definitely not everyone's wish. But it's mine and God said yes. I will not take it for granted. Every runny nose that I get to wipe, every spill that I clean up, every wet sloppy kiss that I receive,every tantrum that will happen,I will be there. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. And it is such a priviledge. I use to day dream about the life of a stay at home Mom. And now I am living it. I feel so blessed. But I will not forget. I will not forget what it feels like emotionally and physically to be a working Mom. I think that is a memory that will stick with me for a very long time. I will continue to pray for working Moms.
To tell the truth I really don't know how long this will last. God has given me the opportunity to stay home 3 different times since Kate was born and all 3 times it has not worked out for one reason or the other. Hopefully this time it will. But I am very concious of the fact that it could go away tomorrow. For now I will get in as many kisses and hugs as I can. Have to run now because I hear Carson. He's sick right now. But my heart is overflowing with gratitude because I get to be the one that holds him when he's not feeling well. Thank you God for this gift.

God is Near

I have been struggling this week. Our kids are sick and I have been struggling with that. It is so stressful when they are sick. It's almost an anxiety within me that won't go away. It kind of baffles me as to why I feel this. I guess it's because I feel like I have no control in these situations. I feel like there is nothing I can do for them and for me to let them suffer through it goes against every instinct I have as a Mom. I try to give them over to God, give their sickness over to God. To let Him be the healer that He is but I still want to be in control of getting them better. I can't let it go. I have been forgetting lately that God is near. I have been discouraged in nearly every aspect of my life lately. Last night about 1.5 miles into my run I just stopped. I didn't mean to stop. My body just stopped running. A body that was able to run just 4 miles the day before could not go one more step. I felt like I had 10 lb weights on each foot. It was so discouraging to trudge back home. I thought a lot last night about what was weighing me down. Was it the kids being sick? Surely that had something to do with it. Was it work? Maybe a small part of it. But I think it was mainly that I had been losing sight of the nearness of God. Losing sight of the fact that he is near everyday. Every minute, every second. I am reading a book called Jantsen's Gift by Pam Cope. It tells the story of how she deals with the grief of losing her son to a sudden death. She tells a story of how one day she was lying on her bed deep in her grief when God spoke to her and said, "I will not leave you. I will not leave you when you feel this bad." I have thought about that quote so many times since reading it. I want it to sink down deep into my mind. I want to believe it. I want to live like I believe that God is near. If I really open my eyes I see instances of God's nearness everyday. A friend's concerned and loving email, a gentle pat pat on my back from Kate, even the breeze pushing at my back as I struggled through tonights run. God uses our kids everyday to show that He is near. The other night Kate was protesting loudly as I was putting her to bed. She hardly ever puts up a fight about going to bed. But even as I turned my back and walked away from her she was crying and standing up in her bed. I realized as I got to her door that I had not prayed for her as I usually do at bedtime. I turned around picked her up in my arms and prayed for her.I prayed for good sleeps and good rest. That God would have His hand of protection over her. And then I said Amen. Kate said "Ah mon!" Reached for her crib and rolled over and went to sleep. Still ignorant to God's nearness I thought, "Oh what a coincidence. What a cute Kate story to tell my Mom." The next night I was on Carson duty and Jared put Kate to bed. As he was coming downstairs I heard Kate crying loudly. He had a puzzled look on his face that she was having such a hard time. I said, "Did you pray for her?" And he immediately turned around and went back upstairs to pray for her. After that she went right to sleep. Then I knew that the night before was not a coincidence. God is very near.

Against the Wind

This week has been an interesting running week.A head cold, sick kids and pure exhaustion have left me no choice but to shake my running schedule up a bit. I always aim to run 4 times a week and to make that heppen this week I have to run both tomorrow and Sunday night. I have already run 4 miles twice this week. Tonight was interesting. I felt slow and sluggish from the get go. Then I realized why. I stayed homr from work to take care of Carson and as it usually goes with sick babies there is not a whole lot of time to think about your own needs. I realized that I had not eaten very much and had what was the equivalent to a glass of water all day. It doesn't take a genius to know that that is not a good set up for an easy run. I had it in my head that I was only going to run 3 miles tonight. I felt like I was barely moving and had to pee about 2 miles in. It didn't help that every house I ran by had their sprinkler on!Just as I was coming up on the third mile I got a little bit of a second wind.Instead of stopping at my house I ran on to complete the 4th mile. I just kept telling myself, "You've already run 4 miles twice, you can't go back down to 3 miles!" Well it was mind over body tonight and it worked.:)

50 Smiles

When I was a kid my family would take these summer road trips from Chicago to Shreveport to see my grandparents. When my brothers and I would get bored and restless we would ask my Dad, "How many more miles Dad?" He would answer us, "Not miles kids, it's SMILES!" To which my brothers and I would either laugh or collectively groan depending on which part the trip we were on. I always think about my Dad saying that when I run and it keeps me going if not smiling.

Tonight I broke the 50 mile total barrier with a good 4 mile run. I mean I really didn't think I had it in me to run 4 miles. I didn't think my body would let me do it. Let's face it I have been pregnant for 18 months of the last 2 years. I have put on 100 pounds in those last 2 years. Sixty lbs with Kate and then before I had a chance to breathe I was putting on the 40 lbs I gained with Carson.It's crazy when you think about it that way. But there I was tonight huffing and puffing my way to 4 miles.

Tomorrow when I go to cross my 4 mile run off of the calendar in my cubicle I will do it with a big smile on my face. Ha! I ran 4 miles. So bring on your bad week. Bring on your short funds to close, 3% flood insurance deductible, unacceptable survey, no source for big deposits, tractor buying borrower week.(I had to write that last sentence so that someday I can look back and laugh because it's too soon to laugh at the week I had last week. But someday I will). The confidence that I have from running 4 miles will last me through Monday and maybe Tuesday. But the confidence that I have through God and Jesus will last me a lot longer than that. I lost sight of that last week but God still showed me that He is in control and that he is near. He always is.