Walking the High Wire

The week that Jared is here is so wonderful. Blissful if you will. Number one is well...he's actually here! I sleep better, I'm calmer, less nervous, everything is better. But when he's gone......well it's a little bit different. At noon on the Monday he leaves it's all up for grabs. I start walking the high wire. I imagine myself walking this very thin tight rope about a zillion feet in the air. Wobbling back and forth catching my balance everyday in different ways. Oh and did I mention I am juggling about 10 different balls trying to keep them all up high in the air? Pretty dramatic analogy, but to me it rings pretty true. I literally just hold my breath until he returns the following Monday, and am so thankful for each "normal" day that I get.

Work is getting more real as I move past the training phase and more into the "prove yourself as to why we  hired you" phase. It is crucial that I am at work and continue to perform. But as any working Mom knows you couple (triple? quadruple?) your thoughts on work with thoughts of your babies. My normal file flow goes like this, "Hmmmmm this is the way I would calculate this income....I wonder how Kate is doing?..I would use this comparable for the value.....man, that was so funny when Carson made that funny face at bedtime......this credit report is rough......how can I get Kate and Carson to eat better? " And on and on it goes. I am settling in very well to my job. I really like the people I work with and am blessed with good management. We are so blessed to have Kate and Carson in such a good childcare situation. They stay with a very good friend for part of the week and then go to our church preschool 2 days a week. I can't tell you what a relief it is to see Kate and now Carson turn to wave at me and tell me in the most non chalant manner "Bye!" when I drop them off at our friend's house each morning . Peace of mind times 1 million! So tomorrow I take one big deep breath in and hold it again until next Monday when Jared makes his way back to us. Along the way God offers me chances to relax and I try to take them in but sometimes I am just not sure. Afraid to be so confident. Fearful that I will lose my balance and drop all of the balls. But I always know that no matter how badly I stumble in all of this I know that God is there to dust me off and pick me up and set me back up there again. I remember after one big exhausting night one night when Jared was gone. I had just put Kate to bed and made it to the middle of the stairs before sitting down and I just started praying, "God please don't leave me! I need you!" Of course he heard me and the very next morning I received the second wind that I so desperately needed. I always think of my good friend Taylor when I am encountering a week with out my husband. She endures long periods of separation from her husband due to the fact that he is a marine. She sent me a text one week seemingly out of the blue but God knows different. I was coming around the bend on a particularly trying week and her text came in around Friday night, "Finish strong!" it said. That's all I needed to pick myself up and keep on going. I always keep that text in the back of my mind.