Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
You know who you are. This is for you. I love you.
Posted by Betsy@Living in the Moment at 5:34 PM
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Two days ago, I held my father's hands for the last time. They were the hands that showed me how to use a fly rod, pulled covers over my shoulders while I slept, and picked up the phone to call and tell me not to drop out of medical school when I felt like a failure. I saw them change through the years. They were beefy when he was younger and so calloused during his years running cattle on his ranch that he could barely feel touch. But two days ago, they were soft from age, frequent massages, and Lubriderm. In his right mind, he would have hated their softness.
During his final five days, I held vigil over them because I didn't want him to feel me let go. My thought was irrational because he had dementia. But, somehow, I believed that he knew that the hands that gripped his were mine. But, as his death grew closer, I realized there was a different reason I held them so tightly. It had nothing to do with me comforting him.
Just before he died, his pneumonia caused his temperature to spike to 106.7. Even as a pediatrician, I had never seen such a high fever. I hated the fire that death brought. It hurt my hands. It caused him to suffer, and I couldn't do a thing about it. I tried to hold on through the fire but it hurt. So I sobbed. How could his hands hurt me? Death was ugly.
Suddenly a stream of coolness shot into his hands. As quickly as this happened, he opened his eyes so wide that it startled everyone around his bed. He had been in a coma for five days. The nurse on the side of his bed shouted, "Wally, what do you see?" My sister jumped up from her chair. He took several deep, long breaths. The marbles that rolled in his chest from the pneumonia disappeared. His face quieted, and he exhaled for the last time.
What did he see? Was it God? Was it an angel ... or Jesus? One day I'll know. But, in the meantime, I don't care because there is one thing that I know for sure. Someone poured love over him and embraced him. I saw it all over his face, and I felt it in his hands.
In that moment, I recognized the real reason that I held onto his hands for so long. It wasn't because I wanted him to feel loved. I held on because he didn't want me to miss his final gift. He wanted me to see that God is real. The great mystery is that he couldn't have done this alone. He was collaborating with God; rather, God was collaborating with him.
I will miss you, Daddy. But for now I thank you that, until your last breath, you gave me good gifts. And to the God that loves us more than we can fathom, I give even bigger thanks
Posted by Betsy@Living in the Moment at 8:15 PM
Thursday, June 16, 2011
About a year ago I set out on a journey to make my sweet neice Marin this quilt.
|I carefully sewed each little line.|
|I carefully cut each row of fleece to make chenille.|
|And when I was done this is what it looked like. I have to confess I wanted to wrap myself up in this quilt and wear it everyday. That's how bonded I was to this creation. But I knew that it was only meant for Marin.|
Now when I started this quilt, Marin looked like this.....
This is my letter to Marin that I included with her quilt:
Posted by Betsy@Living in the Moment at 6:53 PM
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
I love this blog and I write on it like no one reads it. I suspect that short of my 2 sister in laws noone really keeps up with it regularly so I write it for me and my kids. Many times in the last 4 years since I started this blog I have gone back to look at the posts. I love the posts of my pregnancies and how crazy our life has been since then. If I counted everytime I clicked on Kate's and Carson's Birthday posts I think it would probably read 500. I love documenting. It's my life. And I always think of myself as a 60 year old sitting in a lonely house and just poring over my blog for hours on end and thinking ....Why in the world did I wish for time alone? So here is a post for my 60 year old self. This is what the kids were doing and saying at 2 and 3.
* I love Carson's teeth. His two front teeth turn inward. I know that braces are in the future, but right now it makes his smiles extra special
* Kate's potty training has been taken to the next step. She is waking up dry from naps and overnight. When she needs to potty she says, "I need to go potty!" and yells, "get out of the way!! Hurry!! Hurry!!" like she has 100 people ahead of her.I have taken to calling her Supergirl.
* When Kate goes poopy in the potty she talks to it. "It's alright poopy you be alright. You go down the tunnel real soon. It will be alright." And as she flushes, "Bye poopy! I love you!"
*lately Carson has been having trouble going to sleep. I try to wait it out, but when he yells "Mommy!" for the 10th time I go into his room and scoop him up in my arms. I don't scold him. I just tell him how much I love him and that "Mommy's right here." We go into the TV room and I sit in the rocking chair that I bought months before he was born and rock him and sing "Beautiful Boy" and "Yesterday" And I hold him long after he goes to sleep because I know that these times are getting to be few and far between. And I as I hold him I marvel at how he used to fit right under my chin and his legs couldn't stretch out past my tummy and now his legs stretch all the way down to my knees.
* Kate has been in the habit lately of taking my hand and pumping it up and down and saying, "I Kate! Nice to meet ya!" I can only suspect that she has picked this up from riding around the truck with her Daddy on business deals and seen this take place between him and his customers.
*The kids have started full time preschool/daycare recently. It seems that all of the 3 year olds are fully potty trained so Kate is in Carson's class until she is good to go in that area. Last week I went to pick them up one day and I guess they saw me as their little class passed the door way,because when I went through the doors Kate and Carson were holding hands facing forward and looking directly at me. Banding together in brother sister solidarity. I could hear her teacher trying to get her to come with them (she didn't know I was there) but Kate didn't listen she stood there hand in hand with Carson ready to go. I bent down and scolded her for not listening to her teacher. I wish I hadn't done that.
*Last week I dropped them off at daycare and Carson was crying for me as I tried to get them situated. Kate was trying not to cry and bravely took a handle on the little rope they use to guide the kids down the hall. All I could think of was "What a little soldier and that she was trying to make things better for me." I also thought that at 3 years old she should not have to be a soldier nor should she try to make things better for me. That's my job.
* Kate has a habit that has melted both our hearts lately. She will wrap her arms around my neck and say, "Mommy I sooooooooo glad you're here." I can't wait to tell her that story when she is a teenager.
*Carson is into shapes lately and has replaced foods with shapes. For example, his trusty sausage and biscuit sandwiches are octagons and his waffles are circles.
* With most kids when they speak their little gibberish language sprinkled with recognizable words you can usually get away with , "Uh huh. That's right sweetie!" Not so with Carson. You must repeat back EXACTLY what he said. This makes for a lot of repeating and long conversations with him. I suspect that is his goal.
Posted by Betsy@Living in the Moment at 2:14 PM
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Jared is the salesman in our family. Me? I like to be directed, follow guidelines and then collect my tidy little paycheck every 2 weeks. No risks for me thanks! Or so I thought.
One Saturday night I was turning the pages of my Real Simple magazine. I don't buy that magazine for the articles, although some of them are very well written. I buy it for the eye candy. Clean lines, beautiful colors, design simplicity at its best. I pore over every page and fall in love with the $500 paper weight or the $200 pencil holder. Ridiculous yes. Beautiful? no doubt. I came across this advertisement for a company called Willow House. It had a Mom with her daughter in the kitchen cooking and it read "Working from Home Never Looked Better." Anyone that knows me well knows that working outside of our home and leaving my kids everyday has been a huge struggle for me. As you can imagine this article spoke right to my heart. I immediately hopped on the computer. What I discovered blew me away. Beautiful products!! This is one of the first images I saw.
I identified with the simplicity and beauty of this image. I took a look at their online catalog and I kept thinking, "I would buy that!" The opportunity seemed amazing, but I had doubts that I had what it took. This business is based on direct selling. Hosting parties and asking others to host parties. It was daunting, but over the next few months I kept this business idea in the back of my head. A couple of weeks ago I really researched this business and saw the goodness behind the beauty. This company really cares. Not just about the quality and craftsmanship of their products but also about their commitment to their employees. They also donate to 2 specific charities, Cut It Out which supports women who are victims of domestic abuse and the Junevile Diabetes Research Foundation. I knew that I could get behind a business like this and get excited about all that it had to offer me and the people that I know and love. I want to give my all to this business. I want to wipe out all of the preconceived notions that people have about direct selling businesses. I want people to know that hosting a party or becoming a consultant themselves is truly about fellowshipping with friends and having fun. I won't lie. I want to become successful. My ultimate goal is to build my business so that I can stay home with my babies. Everyday my heart aches and I ask God for my simple wish, "God please make a way for me to stay home with my babies." I believe that He has opened this door for me and I ask Him to bless this business as I start out and begin to grow.
Posted by Betsy@Living in the Moment at 8:52 PM