Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Comfort and Character

The quote that has been running through my head this past week is "God is more concerned with your character than your comfort." On my good days I am in total agreement with this statement. Yes God, come and develop my character please. I was just telling a friend the other day how I am more open to constructive criticism than I was when I was younger. I am constantly looking for ways to be a better wife and mom. So I am all about character over comfort until..................my comfort is seriously jeopardized.
Last Friday Jared was laid off from his job. No severance, no unemployment just, "thanks for your time. Good luck." Now one job loss in a family is seriously devastating emotionally, relationally, and financially. But when it happens 5 times in 2 years well it just becomes a tidal wave of problems compounding one on top of the other. The safety net of savings that you are told to build up in case of the worst is not there anymore and you are left wondering the big question, "What are we going to do?" I do not think far ahead on purpose because I know that if I do I will be overcome with fear. So I live just for today. And build up our defenses against Satan who I know is just waiting in the wings with giddy excitement to take advanatge of this whole situation. He is waiting for Jared and I to fight over money and for me to snap at my kids out of frustration. He is just waiting to sink his teeth into us whole heartedly. But you know what? I'm not going to let him. I am saying NO! You can't have this family. You won't make us doubt our God. You won't get the last word.
But that doesn't mean that there won't be days like today where I just feel sad. I am sad that my husband has to go through this again. That his confidence is shaken. It is a hard thing to see the person you love most on this earth suffer. He was just trying to make a good living for his family. He was just trying to make sure I could stay home with our babies. Sometimes it is overwheleming. But we just press on because what else are we going to do? The kids have been our motivators and they don't even know it. Their smiles and laughter are motivating us to stay positive.So we will just wait. Wait on God's perfect timing and continue to have our characters refined by this difficult situation. I have this feeling that I should feel blessed that God has chosen us to endure this hardship yet again. Blessed that He thinks our marriage is worthy enough to take another obstacle on. I have that feeling but to tell you the truth I am not comfortable with that yet. So I will just rest in God's love and continue to have faith. And continue to love my husband and kids the best way I know how. That's all I can do.

5 comments:

Carolyn said...

I know what "comfort" the quote is referring to but I think it is pretty amazing that God also provides His comfort and care as He develops our character. Hang in there sweet sister. Love you and am praying for you to feel His peace.

Stacey at Giggles and Glue Sticks said...

I hate getting my character developed. But I must say, you sound incredibly strong in this post. An unbelievable wife and mother...quite incredible.

I can't always speak as confidently as you do about God but the book of Habakkuk has always been one of my favorites. Habakkuk 1:5-
We love you all.

Courtney said...

Just praying away about this. Through my roughest moments it has always comforted me to know that if I'm hurting, so is the heart of my Father. He never sees what we're going through without responding in love and compassion. So, as we work through the "whys" and "what to dos," His character remains trustworthy and faithful. Love you, your strength, and your faith.

Randi Freeby said...

I had no idea about Jared losing his job again! I am so sorry friend. I will be praying for this. You are so strong and I am so proud to call you a friend. If you ever need to have a weak moment, you know I am here. Bless your heart. Love you so much. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Want you to know I love you kids and my heart is sad and hurts for you. I have been at this crossroad many time in my life and God's will has always been there even tho I could not see it at the time. Later, I have looked back and thought, how nice that turned out after all....Keep your faith and keep trying..Love you, Maw

God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6